Jonathan Lee Riches Ponders Early Retirement
Jonathan Lee Riches, who for the past four years has conducted from various federal prison cells one of the greatest sustained performances of legal theater the world has ever witnessed, announced in a recent filing that he is considering retiring, at least temporarily, from writing lawsuits in order to, in his words, “give my fingers rehabiliation.”
This latest suit names the Guinness Book of World Records alongside Granger’s Index to Poetry and Fear Factor as defendants, and charges them with, among other things, invading his privacy and hurting his feelings by awarding him such sobriquets as “Jonny Sue-nami” and “The Patrick Ewing of Suing.” The slights seem to have occasioned an unprecedented burst of self-reflection, as Riches contemplates the toll the four thousand lawsuits he claims to have filed worldwide have taken: “I’ve filed so many lawsuits with my pen and right hand that I got arthritis in my fingers, numbness in my wrists, crooked fingers, I got bags under my eyes for sleepless nights suing the world…. I eat, sleep, and think lawsuits. I flush out more suits than a sewer. I’ve sacrificed my time, dignity, and prison trust account filing lawsuits.”
Such is the plight of the greatest American poet this young century has produced. For the reference to Granger’s is not accidental: however delusional he appears, Riches is keenly aware of his rightful place in our literary firmament and the ultimate nature of his larger project. His lawsuits are merely a springboard into the kaleidoscopic miasma of global pop culture, celebrity worship, infotainment, and current events delivered via perpetual CNN news ticker that makes up the divorced-from-reality reality we daily navigate. Riches is one part Whitman, one part Burroughs, and several parts French postmodern critical theorist of your choosing, only he’s doing time for identity theft. It makes perfect sense then that he would object that “The Guinness Book of World Records have no right to publish my work, my legal masterpieces. The defendants sent me threatening letters because I sued ‘Riches v. Black History Month’ in Iowa, and President Adminadinejad of Iran filed a[n] amicus in that case, [I] also got screamed at for filing ‘Riches v. I can’t believe it’s not butter’ and ‘Riches v. convicted child molesters,’ I’m in danger, and I seek a restraining order against the publication of my name. I pray for relief.”
Jonathan Lee Riches, we pray with you.
COMMENTS / 2 COMMENTS
Posted by Aurora P. on Jul 28 09 at 6:45 pm“In May 2009, Riches filed for an injunction against the Guinness Book of World Records, seeking to stop them from naming him as the most litigious individual in the history of mankind.”
THANK YOU PPH
SPEAK / ADD YOUR COMMENT
Comments are moderated.
- BROWSE / IN TIMELINE
- « Funkyzeit mit [Franklin] Bruno . . . Progress Report »
- BROWSE / IN Fanboy
- « Almost All the Popular Songs Are About Love . . . I Cannot Front »
